Men who abuse their wives are usually passive and dependent individuals. They find it difficult to express emotions and to deal with anger in nonviolent ways. Often, they did not have a close relationship with their mothers.
They may never have formed a close, warm, intimate relationship with a woman at all. Men who abuse their spouses often have low self- esteem and their wives do as well. Power and control are also essential features in the dynamics of spouse abuse.
A wife abuser tends to be filled with anger, resentment, suspicion, tension, and fear. Often the husband may simply be displacing his anger about his situation or circumstances onto his wife. He is, in essence, using her as a vent for the frustrations of his life.He believes that home is one place where he can express those feelings without punishment to himself. For instance, anger with his boss couldn't be acted upon without dire circumstances.
Yet, all too often he gets away without penalty when he beats his wife. She becomes the target of his vengeance, and he gets the satisfaction he is looking for.
The abusive husband often exhibits the following traits
1. He has low self –esteem
2. He blames circumstances for his problems and does not assume personal responsibility for his actions
3. He has severe stress reactions, which he uses drinking and wife-battering to cope
4. He is pathologically jealous and often exhibits dual personality
5. He often uses sex as an act of aggression to enhance his self-esteem in the viewing of warning virility
6. The abusive husband demonstrated unpredictable behaviour, belittles his partner, rages with uncontrolled anger and later often asks for a second chance.
7. Abusive husbands are chameleons. They say they will change and will not hit again. They play on their wives’ guilt(if you love me, you would…)
8. They often witnessed abuse in their home growing up, and frequently abuse their children at home
9. Outwardly, the abuser may seem charming, friendly and even gentle to family members, but beneath the surface, they dislike women and believe that “a woman’s place is in the home and that men have the right to control women’’.
Most women suffer these attacks for years before they finally determine to take steps to keep from being victims or further abuse.
The first step for a woman to take is to admit to herself that she is being abused and that she is not being treated fairly.
She has the right to feel safe from physical harm, especially from her home.
No one, including a husband, has the right to hurt another individual.
In addition, abused women need to work on their self -image with a trusted counsellor or pastor in order to develop better feelings about themselves.
Violence is a threat to all women in our society. For too long it has been kept silent. Many believe that violence at home is a “family affair†and should be dealt with inside the home. Too often, we turn our heads when we know that a woman is being abused.
That silence is as dangerous as the abuse itself.
By ignoring violence, we are putting every woman we know at risk. Violence against women affects every woman from the time they are infants until they are elderly.
Violence is a threat to all women in our society. For too long it has been kept silent. Many believe that violence at home is a “family affair†and should be dealt with inside the home Too often we turn our heads when we know that a woman is being abused.
That silence is as dangerous as the abuse itself.
By ignoring violence, we are putting every woman we know at risk. Violence against women affects every woman from the time they are infants until they are elderly.
It affects our mothers, daughters and our sisters. Violence is a threat not only to women, but affects society as a whole.
